"RIP THE TORSOS OPEN!'" screams Claudia. Meanwhile, Michael hatches a plan. Every pitchfork gets two bags of gold, and then as a team they will decide who gets blown up. This is why I like Michael Sheen; his undying belief in the power of the collective, even when the collective is riddled with potential saboteurs.

However, all the contestants have seen The Traitors before, and they have all decided that the power has to come with a catch. Nobody wants to win the power. This has the potential to get quite chaotic.

There are lots of scarecrows. Most of them contain hay. Some contain gold. The contestants will work in pairs. One to collect the gold, and one to bank it by hanging it on a pitchfork. But if someone puts three bags of gold on their pitchfork, a scarecrow blows up. This is a very needlessly long way of saying that someone is going to end up with a special power at the end of the mission, and to get that power they need to… get a thing from a thing.

To the mission to get a thing from a thing! People still open question Michael's survival, and absolutely state blindly that Kenny cannot possibly be a traitor. And then they approach a field of haunted scarecrows. "This is like a really weird gender reveal party," says Joanne, wonderfully.

Maya, meanwhile, is theorising that Michael is a traitor, on the basis that he's good at the game and hasn't been murdered yet. She is theorising this to Romesh, who buys it wholesale.

Sharon is going full bloodhound against Joanne today, and possibly a bit bloodhound against James Blunt. Meanwhile King Kenny (a traitor) is gunning for Bash (not a traitor). In response, Bash (not a traitor) tells Bash (a traitor) that he probably isn't a traitor.

Claudia hints that today's mission will be a bit like 'grasping at straws'. My guess, and I am never wrong, is that there is about to be a competitive milkshake drinking tournament.

And it works. Bash is already onto Joanne. Sharon is onto Joanne. Michael Sheen isn't so sure, and posits that it could be a ploy on the part of the traitors. Even Maya is sad about Miranda, although not so sad that she doesn't refer to herself as an "OG Trait" in the process.

"Bottoms," says Miranda as she realises that she's been murdered, very Miranday. And she's touching and heartfelt about how much the show has meant to her after overcoming her illness. What a champ. What an all-timer. What bad news this is for Joanne.

And the murdered faithful is… MIRANDA. Well done everyone who guessed that, which is to say literally every single person who has been watching The Traitors this year.

King Kenny just suggested that Romesh is dead. In the very next shot, Romesh walks through the door. A nice sly piece of misdirection. He's getting better.

The contestants who won shields all enter. Joanne believes that Romesh will be murdered, and everyone agrees that it's because Leigh-Anne is definitely a traitor (she isn't). She's the next in for breakfast, so that's that conversation halted.

We begin on the traitors discussing who they just murdered. Acaster hints that they've picked the chaos option, which makes me fear for Bash somewhat.

And now, it is time for The Celebrity Traitors to begin. With a RECAP! Who would have guessed?

Miranda stirs. Bash stares. King Kenny does that thing all boxers do where they mime being a boxer. James Blunt reveals that nobody sniffed Ross Kemp. Sharon figures out the bottles. Joanne and Miranda have a little tiff. Leigh-Anne wears some highly ostentatious gloves. End of recap.

As is tradition, it is time for a word on the fallen. And oddly, both candidates for murder in last week's yawn-off went home. Ross Kemp yawned first, and was killed. He will be missed, partly because his twitchy paranoia kept the show moving in the show's slow opening tract, but mainly because he jumped into Traitors with both feet. In a year where many contestants have been a bit reluctant and half-baked, we need more people like him.

And then, after surviving the yawn-off, everyone banished Jerry Hall anyway. The strange thing is that nobody seemed to know why they were banishing Jerry, and nobody seemed to want to do it either. But rules are rules, and she is gone. But let's look on the bright side. Based on her accomplishments in the castle, we can't be entirely sure that she even knew she was on the show in the first place.

Before the episode begins, let's review the contestants.

Maya Jama – TRAITOR. And, in fairness, a great one. None of the faithfuls suspect her, and both the other traitors are terrified of her.

James Acaster – TRAITOR. Genuinely very useless. His refusal to participate in last night's mission will almost certainly come back and bite him on the bum,

King Kenny – TRAITOR. More furious with James Acaster than anyone on the face of the planet.

Miranda Hart – FAITHFUL. The clear favourite to be murdered today. Strategically, killing her would make the most sense, because then everyone will gun for Joanne at the round table. But it's Miranda Hart, for god's sake. It would be like killing a puppy.

Romesh Ranganathan – FAITHFUL. Also up for murder. Since he's proved beyond doubt that he's a faithful (because his sniffy nose gave him away during the blindfold task), killing him is the only chance the traitors have to get rid of him. Will they take it?

Sebastian Croft – FAITHFUL. Also up for murder. But he's still a bit nothingy, so offing him probably wouldn't serve much of a purpose yet. I declare him safe, which historically means that he's doomed.

Joanne McNally – FAITHFUL. Had a weird passive aggressive barney with Miranda last night, which a) is causing lots of people to suspect that she's a traitor and b) is a bit like having a weird passive aggressive barney with a cartoon penguin.

Leigh-Anne Pinnock – FAITHFUL. Lots of people still suspect that she's a traitor, for reasons I couldn't even begin to fathom.

Sharon Rooney – FAITHFUL. Has finally kicked into gear after realising that a perfume bottle was utilised in the murder of Ross Kemp. She's so close to blowing the traitors wide open. Maybe tonight is the night she gets there.

Michael Sheen – FAITHFUL. Finally emerged in his rightful role as king of the castle. He's smart, authoritative and by far the most determined faithful this year. The closest thing we currently have to Joe Marler.

James Blunt – FAITHFUL. Actually quite a good organising force in the missions.

Hi all, and welcome to The Guardian's liveblog of The Celebrity Traitors, episode eight. We're rounding the corner into the final week, and things are slowly, slowly starting to happen.

This is thanks to – and here's a sentence I never thought I'd write – a consequential mission. Rather than simply get a thing from a thing, as has exclusively been the case this year, last night the traitors had to move among the blindfolded players, which opened up a trove of paranoid theories. And Sharon Rooney is hard on the case of Ross Kemp's murder, tantalisingly close to finding the truth. AND Maya Jama and King Kenny are finally getting sick of James Acaster's general uselessness as a traitor. Put simply, we're going into this episode with a lot of balls in the air.

Leave your theories about the next murder in the comments, and join me back here at 8pm when the show kicks off, won't you?