Before I get on my high horse, allow me to stress that Nintendo Switch Sports Resort is an ably made sports-themed party game.

If all you’re looking for here is some sporty little games to play against friends and family (or on your own, or online), you’ll find exactly that here.

The game allows you to jump straight into its 12 sporting options immediately, and each one is explained quickly when you first attempt it, meaning that you can get up and running with no time wasted at all.

Of those 12 available sports, some are returning favourites – there is, of course, bowling. It wouldn’t be a Wii Sports spiritual successor without it. And it’s nice to see other old flames like tennis and volleyball returning, too.

A handful of activities from 2022’s Nintendo Switch Sports are not returning, with swordplay, football and badminton removed in favour of some new additions (more on those later).

The problem that I have with Nintendo Switch Sports Resort, though, is that it has all the charm of a corporate retreat.

While I knew better than to expect Nintendo icons like Mario and Luigi to show up in this, I’m disappointed that the world Nintendo came up with is sterile, unfunny and downright dull to spend time in.

Nintendo’s mantra is to ‘surprise and delight’ its players, and I found myself very undelighted by this game at almost every turn.

The resort itself, despite looking nice, has a lifeless vibe to it. If you try to approach any of the NPCs while you’re exploring on your skateboard, jet ski or little plane, said NPC will simply vanish from existence. You can’t interact with them at all. Such is Nintendo’s fear that you would run someone over, that it’s opted to remove all human interaction from the world.

The only characters to speak of, really, are the rival sports people that you’ll face in the campaign mode (which boasts 20 match-ups per sport, which should keep you busy). I played the game this morning and could not tell you any of their names, which goes some way to saying how memorable they are.

Of course, you could argue that I’m missing the point here. This is a sports game, not a character-driven story game, but there was a certain soullessness to the resort that I did find distracting. In a similar way to how Nintendo Switch 2 Welcome Tour made me feel, this new game seems to be missing a trick by actively avoiding the whimsical fun that makes Nintendo so beloved.

There is, however, one big exception. Hidden among the list of sports is one truly silly example of what Nintendo is still capable of – I’m talking, as you might have guessed, about thumb wrestling.

While most of the other sports in the game are no-frills adaptations of real activities, thumb wrestling adds a fantastical edge, allowing players to grow farcically giant digits as they try to outwit their opponents.

If the rest of Switch Sports Resort had this level of humour and outside-the-box thinking, this could’ve been a great game. Instead, it feels more like a technical showcase where you have to bring your own fun by playing it with fun people.

Another thing that piqued my interest was the number of different uses this game finds for the Switch 2 Joy-Cons. As I surfed around on a jetski and flew around in a plane, and skidded along on a skateboard, I couldn’t help but imagine how these motion-enabled movements could be really enjoyable in a different game.

Imagine the skateboarding action in High on Life 2 but with motion controls, or the dog fights of Star Wars Squadrons with motion controls, or a James Bond jet ski chase sequence with motion controls. All of those could be really fun, but when you’re imagining made-up games rather than enjoying the one in front of you, something has gone awry.

This whole game has the feeling of organised fun, a team-building exercise, or, as I said at the top, a corporate retreat. It doesn’t have heart, humour or enough to keep you engaged, especially if you’re looking for something to play on your own for exercise purposes.

If you’ve got a local multiplayer partner to play with, like I did, you should be forewarned that a huge number of the sports here require two Joy-cons per person, which will create an added cost for some players who want to get the full experience but don’t have that many spares.

On the flipside of that, I was surprised that there’s no integration for the Nintendo Switch 2 camera at all here. Unlike the Nex Playground (a camera-based console that is aimed at a similar audience and rarely uses controllers at all), Switch Sports Resort doesn’t give you the option, if you have a camera, to do anything with it. Not one sport that you can play by just waving around. That feels like a missed opportunity, and it’s another thing about this game that leaves a sour taste.

Another thing that leaves a sour taste is the game’s menus. OK, I know I’m getting into the weeds now, but I think this bears talking about. The game seems to know it is a bit boring, because it gives you the option to fast-forward through its post-match XP-giving routine. And, annoyingly, when you try to spend that XP in the store, you can’t actually buy a specific item if you see something that you like. Instead, you can pay for a randomised pick from the collection. Again, sour taste.

Don’t get me wrong. The sports on offer here run well, they’re absolutely fine, and people will have fun playing each other in this game. This is why I can’t go any lower than three stars here, although my tone might say otherwise.

Nintendo set out to make another sports game, and that’s exactly what the developers did... I just wish they could’ve done more.

Nintendo Switch Sports Resort launches 22 October, exclusively on Nintendo Switch 2.

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