“It’s good to be back” – and yes, it is Queen Claudia! Ladies and gentlemen, what a cracking start to October, am I right? Baby, there’s no train, no castle – we start in the eerie church.

Is that a signal from the producers that this season they are not holding back? I’m sure this season will be full of more twists and turns than ever before. The cast is stacked, and the women especially are seriously serving.

Now, let’s talk Traitor picks. , Richard E. Grant and – an unlikely trio, but I’m kind of here for it. However, I’m calling it now: I don’t think any of these OG Traitors will make it to the end. From the get-go, the turret feels like Miranda Priestly and her two interns who don’t know what Vogue is.

Perhaps [Richard E. Grant] went for the Alan Carr approach, but I just don’t think it’s going to work for him

Richard is a loose cannon AF. I think I’ve seen this play before – he’s a Linda 2.0. Perhaps he went for the Alan Carr approach, but I just don’t think it’s going to work for him. WHO ADMITS TO BEING A TRAITOR SECONDS AFTER THE PICK? Be for real, Richard, have you ever watched this show?! He’s just an excited puppy, bless him.

James, I’m so sorry that you’ve been forced to be a Traitor! I know the feeling, and I just feel like he’ll give it his best shot, but I don’t think he’s cut out for the lying life.

Round of applause for the queen Maya, who is running that turret like clockwork. I’m impressed, very impressed. I think she’s the only one who can go far, and we ended episode two with her subtly backstabbing Richard. Girl, you ATE! Will she vote for her fellow Traitor at the first roundtable? Who knows? Gutsy move if she does.

Justice for Leigh-Anne! God forbid a girl wants to redo her lip gloss?

Ross Kemp is the gift that keeps on giving! I have never laughed so much at someone being so paranoid about being murdered in plain sight. The way he came for Bella Ramsey and Leigh-Anne Pinnock was too funny. Ross, remember, it’s just a game; you’re not actually getting murdered.

Justice for ! God forbid a girl wants to redo her lip gloss? And now she’s on the chopping block at the roundtable! Her and Myha’la are my girls, so let’s not be voting or murdering them out anytime soon. In another life, the turret was those two and Maya… now that would be something special.

Myha’la is my one to watch, for real. If anyone has watched , her character Harper Stern is a boss bitch. Maybe I’m just fan-girling, but Myha’la to win!

I think, sadly enough, it is BYE Felicia to Richard

Miranda Hart, I love you, but girl, do you even know what game you’re on? The comedians always carry the show, and I can’t wait to laugh through October with the likes of Joanne McNally, Rob Beckett and Romesh Ranganathan! Perhaps a bit awks when Rob and Romesh go against each other, but for now, let’s enjoy the bromance.

The roundtable was intense, but I think, sadly enough, it is BYE Felicia to Richard.

A Traitor caught at the first roundtable – unheard of! Maya, it’s make-or-break time. If you vote him out, you may have just stepped even closer to that win.

We have Hannah Fry and Jerry Hall up for murder, and honestly, it’s gutting because I love them both. But I think we all know they’ll likely take out Hannah Fry due to her insane brains. First Amol Rajan, then maybe Hannah… there’s a pattern here. Play dumb, guys – it gets you far.

What a fabulous first two episodes. We are so back. Can Thursday hurry up already?

The Celebrity Traitors airs Thursday and Friday evenings on BBC One and .